Negativity In Preschoolers
and What to Do About It

By Bob Lancer

Negativity in preschoolers has two main causes.  The first can be traced to a parent's or primary caregiver's negative attitude modeling.  Children become like those they spend time with, and the younger the child the more impressionable the child.  With so many adults on anti-depressants, and so many more feeling stressed, overwhelmed and insecure (about the economy, etc.) preschoolers are bound to repeat what they are exposed to.

Another factor causing negativity in preschoolers is adults relating to the child in ways that do not demonstrate deep understanding of the child.  This causes the child to feel emotionally abandoned, rejected, and that drives the child to either overly aggressive and rebellious behavior, or toward meloncholic withdrawal.  Children express their feelings and needs both verbally and non-verbally - in the first six years, more non-verbally.  Adults tend to overlook the signs and signals of a child's feelings and needs, particularly when the adults are overly focused on their own agenda, when they are trapped by an addiction, when they simply have not learned about the crucial relationship between a child's feelings and behavior and how to relate with the child's feelings to promote healthy, happy responsible behavior.  

Now, here is what to do about the problem.  First, the parents need to come to terms with their own attitudes and emotional states and reactions.  Instead of blaming their feelings of frustration on their children, their mate, the economy, etc. they need to take responsibility for maintaining their own emotional balance. When you accept this responsibility, you begin focusing more on how you feel, and that leads you to release yourself from negativity.  The next step involves relating more calmly and consciously with the child.  Pay close attention to the child's body language to sense how the child feels about the way that you are interacting with him (or choosing to not interact with him).  By practicing being more aware of how you feel, and more aware of the indications that express how your child feels, you can help your child to achieve a more harmonious state of emotional balance.  There is far more that I could add to this, and would be happy to do so via phone or email.  Please see my contact info below.

Bob Lancer's expertise is both in raising, caring for and teaching children and in dealing with self-defeating emotions. He's the author of the book Parenting With Love, Without Anger or Stress and also the book Lighten Up - Harness the Power of Happiness to Create the Life You Want.  To attend a seminar, to host a seminar, to attend a private consultation, or more info, please see www.boblancer.com